SPEAKER_01: 0:13

What's going on, guys? It's George Des here on Running Vegas. Today we have a very special guest. I'm so excited to have you here. Lorraine Lindsay. We're going to be talking about relationships, clarity, transformation, your journey, your book. So let's give it up for Lorraine Lindsay, guys. Thank you, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. How are you?

SPEAKER_00: 0:36

I am great. This is actually going to be my first podcast talking about my book. So I'm excited to be here. Yeah. I feel privileged. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01: 0:44

Thank you, thank you, thank you. So just a little backstory, guys. Uh so Lorraine and I worked on a deal together a year or two ago. Yeah. And yeah, you were just good energy, positive. Talk about there's not a lot of agents at uh, there's not a lot of people in our industry that keeps their emotions between the lines. And I loved how professional you and I got things done very quickly because we both just were like, okay, this is what we need to get done, this is what we intend for our clients, and it worked out. And it was like, yeah, it was good, you were good energy, added each other on socials, and this is a fur full circle moment right now. And I'm like, hey, do you want to be on the pod? Because I saw you had a lot of transformational clarity things. Um, tell us a little bit more about that.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27

Yeah, so I'm a jack of all trade. You know, I've done a lot of different things in my life, um, real estate being one of them. Yeah. I was in the casino business for a really long time. I was a big executive, I was a headhunter for the casino. So chasing after the big high rollers all over the world. Um, and then I got to a point where there was some burnout with that. I mean, it was glamorous and fun and all goody, you know, there's a lot of goodies to that job, but there was a burnout.

SPEAKER_01: 1:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 1:52

Um, I always had this compelling this drive inside of me to want to help and heal people. Okay. Um, so I was a medic in town here for 10 years. Oh, wow. Yeah, I worked for a private ambulance company. Um, I did some volunteer firefighting for a period of time, went to nursing school, and I thought that that was gonna kind of be my channel to help and heal people. And it just didn't, it didn't continue manifesting. There was like a block a block wall I kept hitting. And so then I said, Well, I I know this thing is in me, and I discovered life coaching. Okay. I didn't know what that word was, it was kind of a new concept back then. And I opened up a coaching business where I could speak and talk to people, and it was very fulfilling. And so a few years ago, I threw caution to the wind, canceled, or not canceled, but quit my big corporate job. Okay, and said I'm going full tilt. I'll do some real estate on the side um just for sustainability.

SPEAKER_01: 2:49

You're crushing it in real estate too.

SPEAKER_00: 2:50

I you know, I've been blessed. But I have that sales background and um and again it's a personality thing too, like kind of what you shared. I feel like when you're good to people, good things come back your way. Oh, for sure. And um, so yeah, so real estate's been really great, but it's also afforded me the the time to write and to really do this speaking and coaching thing. So that was kind of it all in a nutshell, just black put it all out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 3:15

So was there a particular okay, so you went from medic to the life coaching feels more fulfilling. Was there something in your life where you're like, had I had this service, had I had a person that was a life coach or uh whatever it may have you, it would have put me on a trajectory of more positivity quicker or more self-realization quicker?

SPEAKER_00: 3:37

Or yeah, that's a great question. You know, for me, I was struggling, like I on the outside to the world, I always seemed like I had all my stuff together. Because financially, I was I got into fields where I was making income very quickly, and so I had that kind of that facade, if you will. But it was such a uh focal point for me because I was a single mother that on behind the scenes I was struggling in relationships, and so I was married and I was in a uh an uh unhealthy marriage, it was abusive, and I started seeking like how did I end up here? Right, and that experience led me to my own healing, and that also led me to understanding if I would have had a coach or somebody, I could have probably saved myself a lot of grief because I would have understood more about myself. I was seeking, fixing me for that person as opposed to fixing me and understanding why I even chose that person in the first place. So, yes, the the coaching for me is not only has it been cathartic and hailing for myself, but as you teach, you learn as well. And so it's been a it's been um it's been transformative for me, honestly, doing the work and also learning from the work. Correct. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 4:55

So I have a question in your experience, because we hear it all the time now, it's like a childhood trauma, childhood trauma. Um, in your experience and what you've been through and what you've researched, and how now you're helping your clients, um, do you see a direct correlation with childhood trauma and how we choose our, I'm gonna say partners, even though I'm I I've been single for a very long time. Um, it's just easier and I kind of like it. Yeah. But it's do you see a pattern or do you see certain things where we lack or we missed or we had maybe and it feels familiar, and that's why we choose our partners that way, but just because it feels familiar?

SPEAKER_00: 5:32

Absolutely. So I will say this your pathology plays a big role, right? Your relationships you had growing up. Most importantly, there were circumstances in our lives that happened.

unknown: 5:43

Correct.

SPEAKER_00: 5:43

But then they're and they happen, they're not existing any longer, they're a thing of the past, but there's meaning we've attached. Right. And there are narratives that we've attached to what happened. And those create identity constructs. Okay. And those identity constructs become the way we kind of navigate relationships and what we attract. And to you, you had asked the the word you use was is it familiar? And although you can walk away from a thing or maybe start to create distance or boundaries with, let's say, family or just people in your life, it still leaves you with a visceral experience, something that gets into your nervous system. Right. And your brain doesn't understand that you're over that dynamic and you don't want to experience, it just knows what it knows. Right. And so we end up attracting experiences that become familiar to our nervous system. And that thing, that for me was a big kind of aha moment for me because I studied um neuroscience as well. I'm certified in neuroscience. Because I wanted to say, okay, I understand the mystical stuff, the mysticism, the affirmations and feeling good, but what's really neurologically happening in my mind, what are the neural pathways that are getting me into these familiar patterns, you know? And so, yeah, all of it plays a role, but it's mostly who am I today and what's that identity construct? Because I won't make myself a liar. And I'll give you a quick little example of that. Okay. When I first started going through my healing journey, okay, the narrative that I told myself was that I was broken. These things happen in my life, and I feel like I'm a broken person, but I felt, hey, I'm proactive. I'm gonna go after, I'm gonna do the read the books and do all the self-help stuff and whatever I could do to fix this brokenness. But what I found that there was a period of time when I was being super proactive that I was getting more depressed. Right. And I couldn't understand like why. Uh-huh. And then I had this like light bulb moment, and I realized if I believe that I'm a broken person, my brain doesn't know that I'm looking for help, it's looking for confirmation. Right. And so although I was reading, yes, so I'm reading the books and I'm finding evidence that I'm a broken person. Right. The words in the book that are are my prescription for healing, I couldn't see it.

SPEAKER_01: 8:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 8:02

So I had to literally change what I already believed who I was, what that identity construct was, in order for me actually to get the healing. So when I coach people, the first thing I want to know is who are you?

SPEAKER_01: 8:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 8:17

What do you believe about yourself? Right. Because it doesn't matter what I say to you if it doesn't fit the narrative that you're currently operating under. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 8:25

And your subconscious just understands that, right? It's like, yeah, if you're like, I'm broken, I'm broken, and that's an affirmation, uh, then yeah, it doesn't open you up to everything else. So I do have a question about, so I'm sure then it's because you do relationship, Esther Perrell has a uh a philosophy that we're constantly working on ourselves, and that there's a misconception, and I want to hear your opinion, there's a misconception about we want to fix ourselves, and how she puts it, and she's like, you know, and you're perfect just in this little red box, and she's like, No, you're constantly growing, you could do it with or without a partner, the healing. However, I don't know exactly what to make out of that yet, just because I'm like, can you really, or should you take time to be single, understand yourself before? Do you think you could be on this path of healing, of self-realization, of being possibly a better person while with somebody else, or should you take time to understand yourself? Because, you know, no shade, because I I could be there someday. It it's there's some people that do all the work and then they're single and they seem like they have it together, and the minute they get into a relationship, all that training went out the door. Of course. Of course, you know, and it's like because it wasn't applied, it was all just kind of theory.

SPEAKER_00: 9:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 9:47

So what's your take on that?

SPEAKER_00: 9:49

I mean, if I if if the three people I spent the most time was me, myself, and I, I'd be okay.

SPEAKER_01: 9:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 9:55

But when you are healing and or and or growing as a human being, you're not gonna, you're not gonna be challenged unless you interact. Correct. Right? Until you get into um relationships with people. And that's all different types of relationships. It's the way we act in our business and how we are triggered by um certain things. And and then, of course, when you're dealing with the most intimate relationships, that's really because that's where you feel the most vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01: 10:22

Correct.

SPEAKER_00: 10:22

And the thing that I always say is there's seasons for your life. There are periods of time when the time alone and the reflective time of for yourself is absolutely necessary. I went through a period of that where I really had to sit with self, but I had to be honest with who I was and how I was showing up in my life. Really saying, okay, Lorraine, why are you choosing to isolate right now? What what were the experiences you had in your life that were unpleasant? And what what was your participation in that? Why did this thing bother you, or why did that experience do this to you? Why can't you let go of this?

SPEAKER_01: 11:01

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 11:01

And really, really be honest with myself, and then have to be brave enough to test it out.

SPEAKER_01: 11:07

So let me ask you this, because uh so we also have groups of friends, and I notice uh so I don't technically go on dates, I kind of do, but it not really. Do you feel like your circle of friends also changes as because I feel like it does um as you're going through this transformation? Um because here's and I don't mean this with judgment, but here's what I've noticed there's sometimes people that are working through you know, uh how would you say it? Uh the through their tendencies, their whole stuff, their episodes or whatever. And they associate with other people in that same boat because it feels um okay, I'm not the only one going through this, but however, it's also not getting them out of that position, that I I I can't even put it into words.

SPEAKER_00: 12:04

No, proximity is power, okay? Proximity is power. And if you're not sure who you are, tap into the five people you spend most of your time with and what the conversations are about. Because to your point, if I spend all my time with people who are not into do not have growth mindsets, right? They have a mentality of, well, this is what it is, or if there's negativity there, right? No matter how positive I am, no matter how much I want to grow, you will fall to the ladder.

SPEAKER_01: 12:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 12:38

So it's very important sometimes when you're when you're checking in, and it's not to say everybody out of my life. Correct. But it's to you do have to do some inventory. Right. Where am I? There are certain people in my life that I'm going to that are elevated, that that I I aspire to to be leveled up, but I can't be a hindrance to them. There are people who are gonna be like-minded where we're just the same, and I gotta ask myself, well, do I like the mind that I'm in right now? Because if I don't like, you know, you've heard people are like, you gotta be around like-minded people. Well, that depends on where I'm at, because not everything I'm thinking, yeah. If they're depressed and I'm depressed, and we're just spoon feeding each other depression, again, looking for confirmation. Right. So, and then there are people where I'm like, I'm well enough that somebody could be maybe here theoretically, um, but they have growth mindset, they want to be lifted up because vibration is very powerful.

SPEAKER_01: 13:28

Yes, I think.

SPEAKER_00: 13:29

And you have to stick, you have to know where you're vibrating and be around your tune forks that are gonna get you at that right frequency. It's very, very important to me.

SPEAKER_01: 13:39

So, at what point through this journey of yours, you're like, okay, I need to write a book. And it's like, I and what do you have a title for the book? Can you share that? Yeah, of course. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 13:49

So the title of the book, um, there's a title and subtitle. Okay. The title is The End is the Beginning. Oh, I read that. Yeah, the subtitle is Letting Go of What Broke You and the Courage to Start Again. And the book is written um somewhat of a memoir style.

SPEAKER_01: 14:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 14:04

I didn't want to be too coachy in the book. Okay. I feel like readers that um my idea was that the reader could read the book and understand for themselves how it applies to them. Um there's basically four parts or three parts to the book. The first four chapters is um the emotional collapse. Okay. What are the mounting things that happen in your life where enough becomes enough? And I think when we really look for shifts in our lives, unfortunately it comes at times when we're when we're hitting a rock bottom.

SPEAKER_01: 14:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 14:37

You know, and so for me, I had hit an emotional rock bottom. And it really um at first it was anger and bitterness, and why is this happening to me? Why is this person this way with me? What is wrong with me? All of the the woe is me, and I'm really going through a period of feeling sorry for myself.

SPEAKER_01: 14:54

Right, that victim mentality, right?

SPEAKER_00: 14:56

Yeah. But the pain of the experience was enough leverage to force me out. That's just one part though. The second part of that is, well, I'm out now, I've made that decision, but going back to what you said originally, how do I then learn enough about myself and figure out how I got here so I don't repeat it? Because you'll see this all the time. You'll get out of a situation and you'll vow that it'll never happen again, but you haven't really sifted through your own stuff, and you just end up in the same circumstance with a different name.

SPEAKER_01: 15:29

Right. So I I have talked about this on different pods and to all my friends, because I'm a believer of the science of the mind, as you know, Ernest Holmes, and I'm like, I could save you that whole book, and basically it's the universe promises one thing, and it's that we will get the same lessons over and over until we learn it and everything. And it's like, so it's exactly what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00: 15:50

Okay, and then part of the book for me was um, I always had this I was always compelled to write, but the timing of writing this time was how long does it take?

SPEAKER_01: 16:03

Yeah, how does one start?

SPEAKER_00: 16:04

Do you just start in a perfect world? I thought I was gonna take. I hired a book coach to kind of keep me on track and help me with uh keeping the flow and all of that. And I thought, oh good, 90 days, I'll knock this book out.

SPEAKER_01: 16:17

You're ambitious. Very overly, yeah, that did not happen. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 16:22

Because it was again, it was very cathartic. So as I was writing, I was bleeding out my heart. And when I went back and read the book, I was like, oof, this is a lot.

SPEAKER_01: 16:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 16:31

And I realized that I was in a certain phase of of the emotion, and it and it kept it resurfaced things that I thought um I had let go of. And then I had to go back and say, This you have to you have to really go back and really um think about what you're writing and be mindful of who who might be reading this because you're it's vulnerable. Right. At times it's explicit. Um, but most importantly, is there value for somebody else to read this?

SPEAKER_01: 16:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 16:59

You know, and so um, so yeah, it was like writing, and there were times where it was uh I'd rewrite and rewrite, and then I'm like, I don't want to touch the book, and I had to take a break.

SPEAKER_01: 17:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 17:10

So it took me about a year to really fully um invest myself in it.

SPEAKER_01: 17:15

And I'm curious, so how does so you're writing the book, you have yourself a time frame? So how does one begin when it's like, I'm gonna write a book? Is it you're journaling and you have all these stories, or are all these stories in your head, or you just got out of therapy or doing the work or reading a book? How how do you put a book together? Right. How does that even start? And then like the flow, yeah, the the you have the coach, but how did you acquire everything all back into place, or do you just go back to that place that you were and then just start?

SPEAKER_00: 17:48

I love the question. Okay, and this is great because a lot of people ask me, ask me this question, right? And it's a question I was asking too before I started writing. Okay. I'll tell you this. Number one, we have AI now. Okay. So AI was a great hack for me and actually helped me to get organized and writing. Now, I did not want AI writing my book because it's impossible. It doesn't know me, it doesn't know my story. But what so here's the first thing I did. First thing I did was I went into AI and said, Yeah, I have this book that I want to write. I'm all over the place. Um, but here is almost like journaling to it. So I did that for about a week. Prior to me writing the book, I went on a a little bit of a sabbatical. I left for like 30 days all by myself to Spain. Oh, nice. And I journaled every day and I was very intentional. So I took all of my journals.

SPEAKER_01: 18:39

I want to write a book just based on that on a space. Exactly. No, seriously, yeah, that's part two. Part two.

SPEAKER_00: 18:45

Um so I went into AI and I said, listen, this is this is everything I'm experiencing. Uh I just was just said whatever. Can you create a can you give me a flow here, an organized table of content or an outline?

SPEAKER_01: 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 19:00

And it generated an outline for me. And with that outline, the first thing I started doing was like, okay. Now I can now my brain can actually organize the sequence of events as they were happening. And so I started putting that together. That was the first step. The second thing I did, um, I knew I wanted 12 chapters.

SPEAKER_01: 19:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 19:19

And so why 12? I felt like I knew there was a journey. There was a collapse, an emotional collapse. There was a tran um a moment of real healing, emotional visceral healing, and then there was actually the transformation where life where choices had become different.

SPEAKER_01: 19:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 19:35

And so I knew, and I said four chapters, four chapters, four chapters.

SPEAKER_01: 19:38

Okay, okay, that makes sense. I didn't know if it's like numerology, because I believe in it all.

SPEAKER_00: 19:43

I mean, I'm big on numbers too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But I did kind of like research if I'm doing a self-help r uh kind of book, how many pages need does it need to be thick enough for there to be a spine on the book? Right. Um, what are the average chapters? So I kind of did some research too.

SPEAKER_01: 19:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 19:58

Um, and so between 10 and 15 chapters is usually a healthy first book.

SPEAKER_01: 20:03

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 20:03

Um, and for a paperback. Uh so then the next thing I did was the book out now or is it will be out in uh next month, end of next month. Oh, this is perfect timing. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 20:12

Okay, this is really cool. Okay, awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 20:14

Yeah. Um it's just being formatted right now.

SPEAKER_01: 20:16

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 20:17

So the second thing I did was I literally transcribed my chapter. I would go on to uh like a literally on my iPhone, the the voice note. Yeah, and I knew what my outline is, and I just told the story in vote voice note, and it transcribed it for me.

SPEAKER_01: 20:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 20:35

So now I could take that transcription and throw it into an AI, like a Chat GPT or Claude, and say, can you organize this for me? Yeah. And can you help me clean up redundancy, words that I'm using a lot of, um, and any critique you might have? And I system prompted a specific way to say, you are a big editor, you've been in business for 25 years. I give it a system prompt. And it literally would read my words and say, Well, you kind of say this over and over again, and it started kind of coaching me.

SPEAKER_01: 21:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 21:06

Um, and then I learned a mistake because I at first, when I started doing it, it would rewrite my stuff and I would get so upset. Yeah. So I had to tell it, do not rewrite my content, just help me organize. So that was kind of how I started. Yeah. What was beautiful about that is it gave me my creative flow. So now I had kind of a template, right? And I would just go in and I would just start writing. Eventually, what I did was I went on Fiverr after I finished my first um draft, if you will. Okay. And I hired a uh development, uh, a developmental editor.

SPEAKER_01: 21:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 21:42

So they could actually go in and read the book and say, Your timelines are off here, you need to fix this. And that helped me then to restructure and make sure that the arcs were good, the transitions were good.

SPEAKER_01: 21:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 21:54

Um, so yeah, so that's I was like, right, and then hire the people that know how to Organize it and that's essentially where I landed.

SPEAKER_01: 22:04

So as you're okay, 'cause I I know that uh, you know, we're in a culture where, you know, therapists will tell us to journal, you know, to get things out. How many times did you find yourself having to take a pause as you're saying things out loud or journaling, you're like, you know, this is a lot, or I had forgotten about that, or certain things triggered other memories that you had maybe forgot about or suppressed. It's like, how often did that happen? Or did by the time you got to writing the book, you're like, okay, I'm free, I'm letting all this go.

SPEAKER_00: 22:35

It's you know, um, when when I was writing, it's hitting a different part of your brain. You know, it's one thing when you're sitting and pondering about your life when you get these little moments that trigger you. And it's another thing to creatively be writing about your life. Um, so there were certain parts of the book where um I had to really take pause because it was very triggering for me and very much, it was like I was reliving it all over again.

SPEAKER_01: 23:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 23:07

Um and and it also gave me a different perspective. It made me realize how much I was participating.

SPEAKER_01: 23:17

Um It was your accountability.

SPEAKER_00: 23:19

Yeah, it made me incredibly accountable. It also made me have a a lot of compassion for the person I'm mostly writing about. Whereas I didn't um I didn't before, although I thought I did, when I started realizing a lot about myself, I then started realizing how similar the two of us really were. And how I I could I I started understanding their pain even if they even if their behavior was a certain way, I I started to understand where it was coming from and relating to it. Right. And that was incredibly healing.

SPEAKER_01: 23:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 23:57

Um, but there were parts of the book, I mean, if you're gonna write a real true story about life and an experience that's very vulnerable, there were moments when I was like, I have to take a pause and I know that I have to get all of this emotion out.

SPEAKER_01: 24:12

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00: 24:13

But it was I when I finished, there was this feeling of such gratitude to my life. Like it was, there was this understanding of like all of it was necessary.

SPEAKER_01: 24:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 24:27

All of it was necessary because where I am today, as a result of those experiences, especially doing the work, it makes me appreciate, like you know, sorrow is necessary in order for you to really understand joy. Like you can spend your whole life happy and not understand the magnitude of that happiness if you haven't had moments of sorrow. Right. And that's what that did for me.

SPEAKER_01: 24:51

Yeah. So let me ask you this. So now you've written the book, you've done the work, and will always be a work in progress. So uh uh and let me know if I'm being doing are you single now or are you in a relationship? Okay, so all right, so then it's a perfect question, I think. So now, how hard is it now to go out into the world? Because I find it very challenging and dating when you've put in the work, and then there's people that sometimes go a whole lifetime and they don't. They're just uh working off of default. It's just how hard is it, or are you you know, what's your philosophy on that?

SPEAKER_00: 25:30

I think you have to trust.

SPEAKER_01: 25:30

Do you date? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 25:32

I do date, um, but I but I you have to trust yourself more. And I think when we become afraid or guarded in that in that regard, uh-huh, it feels safe. And what I've learned is I I'm only feeling safe because I don't trust myself.

SPEAKER_01: 25:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 25:49

And because there's things that I need and there's a desire that I have and there's connections that I miss at times. Right. But and then I'm afraid of am I gonna make the wrong choice? Am I gonna get my heart broken? Which means I don't trust myself. What I've learned is Larry, go on the dates. Right. You know, try something different. Don't be afraid of what's not familiar. Right. So, an example, um recently I went on a date, I've been kind of dating somebody, and he was calm. And he took his time emotionally responding to me. Yeah. And I'm used to being love bombed and doted on and bam. You're like, this is too peaceful. And so I'm waiting for the I'm like, this dude definitely has two pinky toes on one foot. Something's wrong here, right? Yeah. Something's wrong with you. And I found myself starting to spiral. And I caught myself um sabotaging. And and like, I need I need to experience this, and I have to trust, but I have so much self-awareness now that I'm like, I have to trust and actually dance with this. Now, here's the thing one thing I'm clear on at this stage of my life is my peace is my priority.

SPEAKER_01: 27:14

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 27:14

Yeah, it is so important to me. It has to be. It's a must for my life. So, a quick little another example. I remember going on a date with this guy. Uh-huh. And he's saying all he's saying all the buttons, he's saying all the buzzwords. He's saying all the right things, he's doing all the love bombing, okay? Yeah. And I am like kiddy and feeling, and I and I'm like, woo-hoo, you know, it's like and I realized I had to catch myself, and I said, that is way too familiar.

SPEAKER_01: 27:44

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00: 27:45

And I don't need to run from this, but I do need to uh give myself some pause here. Everything doesn't have to happen like this. Right. And so sure enough, I went on a few more dates with this person, and I could see the um the love bombing. I could also see the control and all of the things that were things I experienced from it was um narcissism, manipulation, control, and the and he was easily triggered emotionally. He did not emotionally regulate himself, but then was really good at the apology on the back end.

SPEAKER_01: 28:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 28:22

Now I didn't the thing is I don't have to judge him.

SPEAKER_01: 28:25

Right, and I've heard that. Now the apology, which I was unaware, and the that, like you said, the apology was really good at the end, is manipulation.

SPEAKER_00: 28:34

Oh, and it's a drug. It's craziness. It's a drug.

SPEAKER_01: 28:37

Oh, I never thought of it that way.

SPEAKER_00: 28:39

When you're in a relationship where it's somewhat of a trauma bond, uh, which could be a whole nother podcast.

SPEAKER_01: 28:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 28:46

Um, there is, it's it's very much like a drug. It becomes an addiction, it becomes a codependency to that relationship. And so when you get all that love and then you get some volatility to some capacity of just put downs or whatever it may be or control, there is this false narrative that you create in your mind that it it you think it's romantic. Right. You know, you're like, well, they're controlling or they're jealous because you know, and then you create distort. You distort that little toxic. Yeah, exactly. That's a my toxic trait is your toxic trait, yeah. Yeah. But but then it's like, is that peaceful? Does that how what is the what is long term here? And but I trust myself with that more.

SPEAKER_01: 29:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 29:36

And I'm learning to, because I'll I ha I'm a serum monogamous. Like if I get into something and I am because I'm such a hardcore person outside of love, but once I get in, I nestle in that space, and it's hard for me to walk away.

SPEAKER_01: 29:49

Right. Because I get really uh committed to I feel like that's who I would be, and that's why I'm hesitant. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 29:58

But that's where you but that's powerful that you know that. And so the key thing is to say, you know what, that's who I am, and with the right person, that's okay. Right. And but what does that look like? I gotta get clear on that. And and um, and that's why I always tell people clarity is your superpower. You've gotta get clear on who you are and what you are willing to experience in your life and who you are in exchange. It's like meet me where I'm at.

SPEAKER_01: 30:23

That's gonna be my Monday quote. Clarity is a superpower. It is superpower. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, yeah, Laura and Lindsay.

SPEAKER_00: 30:28

It totally is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 30:29

We ran out of time. Um this was really good. Yeah, I so we went through three questions. I know I sent you a whole bunch, but okay, so just really quick before we end the show, where can people pre-order the book? Uh, social media, just tell us everything about you so people that are looking at this pod, they like what they hear, see.

SPEAKER_00: 30:48

All my social media platforms are the Lorraine Lindsay.

SPEAKER_01: 30:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 30:52

So L-O-R-R-A-I-N-E, Lindsay L-A-N D-S-E-Y. So everywhere you can find me like that. Um same thing, my website's coachlorrainindsay.com. The book will be out on Amazon. But if you find any of my social medias, the links will be there for the book.

SPEAKER_01: 31:05

Okay, perfect. I'll make sure I pre-order.

SPEAKER_00: 31:07

We can pre-order now or um it will be uh the formatting's being done, so you'll be able to pre-order in about two weeks.

SPEAKER_01: 31:13

Perfect. I'll go ahead and post it. Remind me, I'll do it on my social, and then we'll go through it. It was, yeah, really nice having a lot of.

SPEAKER_00: 31:19

You need to come on my podcast. For sure. Yeah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01: 31:21

Yeah, I'll be a little confused on yeah, when I'm we can ask the questions, but this was really good. No, yeah. I really appreciate you for being here. Thank you for sharing all that. All right, guys, that is it for today. Uh the Lorraine Lindsay on all the socials, and make sure you pre-order her book uh next in two weeks. In a couple weeks. All right. Goodbye, guys. Bye.